Q:Please can you help me. I struggle with my libido, it seems I do not have one at all and after 14 years my husband feels very, very rejected. I do not know what is wrong but need to change the situation ASAP. Can you suggest any of your products? Thank you so much.
A: Thanks for being so honest! Ladies (me included) have a problem in keeping up with the pre-conceived idea that all females have the libido of a rabbit on heat. We do not have the same hormonal setup as men. We are very different to how the media make us "ought to be". Of course, there are plenty of products to boost a libido and often this is a good way to spark off a pleasurable round of sex. But it is not an honest solution. First take time to look at the causes and you will soon hear bells ringing!
I would prefer to share with you a way to deal with the problem older women have, especially after being married for many years. Our hormones change. During child bearing years we have a lot of oestrogen in our systems. This inhibits sexuality and one becomes moody and broody, like a hen on eggs. Furthermore, the hormone prolactin causes water retention and very sore, often engorged breasts and boosts moodiness. Ladies on hormonal contraception have a big problem, because those drugs deprive one of vitamin B6 and magnesium. This makes the prolactin levels flare up. Vitamin B6 alleviates the sore breasts, the PMS and water retention. So take more of it as well as your daily multivitamin for a start.
Consider the adverse effects of medications you take. For high blood pressure many people use Nature Fresh olive leaf tablets, which also boost circulation. (Pelvic area included!) Antidepressants and sleeping pills are getting a bad name and are notorious for dragging the libido into the ditch. First get to the cause of why your libido is missing. (It isn’t really). The problem may be drug related. Natural supplement alternatives for depression include Lithium orotate, 5HTP and omega-3 oil in large quantities. Therapies include hypnotism and body stress release, aromatherapy, more exercise and meditaion.
Ladies tend to relax during menstrual cycles and regard this as their time off, a phase when they are free of guilt and obligation towards sex. The week before, they can be excused for PMS and headaches. That leaves two weeks a month where there are no excuses. A husband without regular sex can adapt, but his hormones get ratty and both of you by this time are in need of a little sexual relief.
Most ladies need a regular sex injection, especially for the benefits that it brings in terms of generating feel-good hormones. They say it is one of the keys to longevity and this is why humans have sexual intercourse beyond the reproductive stage of their lives. For men it is essential. Just be glad he is feeling rejected because many husbands sleep in separate bedrooms due to side effects of medications that can cause depression, insomnia and erectile dysfunction. Some men suffer from infections, prostate dribbles and snoring. Poor wife!
I know what you are thinking. You have heard it all before, but you can't get yourself to "want" sex. You are not alone. Is this why prostitutes sell sex? I have stiff talks to my peers and convince them it is OK to not feel turned on. Some of us like to swim but hate to jump into the water. Often you “get what you have been nagging hubbie for after a good bonk”, a friend confessed to me. She shops at expensive boutiques. Commit yourself, set aside some time and just do it! One can play pretend and make the opening moves once you have read the rest this letter for some suggestions. Surprise him and soon you will begin to enjoy it.
One does not have to become a porn star either, but a little lubricant can go a long way. Believe it or not, some ladies use the dry, sore vagina as an excuse. Poor husband! The HRT is supposed to alleviate this problem but causes them to get all moody and broody again. HRT keeps you in bondage and affects blood clotting, heart conditions and cancer. Rather eat 2 - 3 teaspoons of ground-up flaxseeds a day and stop when it gets too slippery down there. We make a range of personal water-based lubricants. Wild rose is good for both - I know!
Some ladies are self conscious about body odour. We developed a special intimate body wash to correct this problem as it is pH related. Soap causes the vaginal membranes to attract bacteria due to it being to alkaline. An acid based cleanser prevents this. The lubricants are also acid based for this reason. The Nature Fresh intimate vaginal cleansers can be used as a douche, in the shower or even as a bubble bath and as you will find out, there is no more irritation or embarrassment
Next you can attend to hormonal upsets. As an alternative to HRT and all the risks and disadvantages it causes, look at herbal hormone balancing tinctures. They cover a variety of symptoms and finding the right one brings significant relief to hot flushes, depression, sleeping problems and even water retention.
For older ladies, a top up of testosterone is highly recommended. MEGAMAX is a special formulation for men and women in this regard and does not stimulate the release of harmful (DHT) testosterone. It gives you oomph and reduces levels of prolactin. It helps with adrenal fatigue.
Another hormonal problem from ladies who are overloaded with oestrogen - either from contraceptives or from HRT is a sluggish thyroid. Here again, is a huge turn off. Hair thins out, weight creeps up and the sex drive all but dies out. Nature Fresh has a Coleus tincture to help in this regard. Often a dietary intolerance also affects the way one feels. For a month, it is a good idea to eliminate all wheat from the diet. In some cases all gluten should be excluded. You may object, but try it. This simple (yet difficult) step will give you a good idea of how it feels to be normal in terms of hormones and immune-related issues! There is plenty of support for gluten exclusion and hormonal problems on our website.
In an experiment salesmen were sprayed with oxytocin and it generated more business with their customers. Oxytocin is a naturally generated hormone that brings out trust and closeness in people. Breast feeding mothers have high levels of oxytocin so they can bond with their offspring. Sleeping together stimulates the release of this "cuddle hormone" between you and your husband. In the mornings, testosterone is at its peak. So this is a good time to continue with what comes naturally and take advantage of that high rise. You are relaxed, warm and close with no distractions. Set the alarm clock a little earlier sometimes.
So do not worry if you don't feel in the mood for sex. Don’t keep telling yourself that you have libido problems because you will perpetuate the problem. The brain is the largest sex organ in the body, so change it. Men can't turn it off, so they can help you to turn it on! Keep this letter in a safe place and read it from time to time. Then, at a suitable moment, just do it. Soon, as many ladies have told me - they get into the habit and yes, they enjoy sex. How I wish I had read this letter 35 years ago!
1 Take a multivitamin and 50 - 100mg extra vitamin B6 2 Eat 2 - 3 teaspoons of ground-up flaxseeds if there are sore, dry vaginal problems. Or use Nature Fresh Wild Rose for all sorts of massages and topical treatment. (Make sure you get more than he does!) 3 For hormones, you can choose from: red clover, black cohosh, red sweet potato or chasteberry in the Nature Fresh Range. 4 Consider: MEGAMAX from Nature Fresh to boost testosterone and dopamine. It helps to reduce dopamine, as does vitamin B6. 5 Attend to thyroid problems. Look at Nature Fresh Coleus tincture and gluten exclusion. There are a lot of recipes and protocols on the website. Lose weight with the MEGASLIM protocol if you are obese. 6 Look at your medications. Consult with a skilled therapist to help you make adjustments and find alternatives. 7 Most of all, stop that looping worry about libido. Just make the commitment and it will creep up on you.